Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
