Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
