I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
