We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
