Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize