guys are not supposed to queef...right?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
