I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
