I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
In other news, I just burned my penis
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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