I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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