Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
