You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
