i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
