Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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