There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
