did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
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I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
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I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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