Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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