I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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