worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
