I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
