3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
