i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
