meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Ladies don't puke and tell
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
