if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
