dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize