thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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