he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom