My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
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we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
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If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him