Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Houston, we have a blender
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Randomize
