I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
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i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
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Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.