I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i think i have two assholes
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
