Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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