so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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