I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
