I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Is Oprah even human
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
