so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
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She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
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How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
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