i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
