I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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