If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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