Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
