I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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