I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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