Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
