I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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