I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
