**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
