I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
