Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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