There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
