Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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