just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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