I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
