I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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