I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
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