You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Randomize