guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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