Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
