There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
And then he peed in my hair
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