dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
