I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
