masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
