The maid of honor just puked.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
