would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i just had sex bonerless
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
MIDGETS
????
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
