I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
