i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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