So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
