like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
