The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
