Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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