: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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