Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
