So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Two words: nipple clamps
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