the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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