That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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