I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
