i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
you didnt know i had herpes?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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