I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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