THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Someone came in the potted fern
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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