dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
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So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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