Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Randomize
