This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
