Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
