Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
