well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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