let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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