I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
