He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i drank out of a bidet.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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